September 7

Proverbs 22:24-25
Do not make friends with a hot-tempered man, do not associate with one easily angered, or you may learn his ways and get yourself ensnared.

I have 2 very different observations on this proverb.
The first is from a good friend of mine whose ex-husband was incredibly angry and incredibly abusive. Her father-in-law was a prominent physician who helped get Northside Hospital up and running and was a decent, loving man. His son, on the other hand, was a nightmare. They had 2 little boys together and she tried really hard to make it work. But the day he slammed her head into a window, she left. Threats, begging, stalking, pleas from the in-laws about counseling and medication and love... She tried it all.
Then one day I came by to drop off an outfit I had borrowed and she and the boys were gone. And she never came back.
For a long time, I was afraid he had killed her. That is how angry and mean he could be.
But after a while, I screwed up my courage, called her in-laws and they said, no, their son had threatened to kill the boys if she didn't move back in with him. She packed their bags, moved in and then left in the middle of the night with the boys and 1,000 dollars. When she had called the in-laws to tell them that they were okay, not to worry, but she couldn't come back; they knew they had raised a monster.
Why would she or any other woman get involved with such a man? Did she think she could change him? Had he hidden this from her until it was too late and she was married with babies? What causes violence like this to someone you supposedly love?

My second observation on this proverb has to do with being friends with hot-temper ones. I don't like mad. Yelling exhausts me and makes my head hurt. I don't like to be around arguments and watching them in movies or on TV is a no go for me.
When my kids were little and were starting to yell back or at one another, I asked a co-worker whose children were a little older than me how to handle that. Walk away, she said. They can't argue with you if there is no you. I am afraid that is my default position.
But recently, I have begun to watch the political arguers. Especially the ones who talk over each other. And the madder they are, especially if it is in real life, the more I am observing. Because the total lack of listening on either side seems to be the trigger for the escalation. Now, TV political arguments are one thing. But in real life, unless you stop listening, the talk doesn't seem to escalate into the yelling stage. Oh, there is plenty of mad, but no flash-points. The other thing that seems to spark an uprising is name calling.
So, there is something to be learned from arguments, especially if you are like me and want to avoid them. Listen, really listen. If possible, repeat back to the opponent (and try not to see them as an opponent especially if they are family....) what you think they are saying. And don't call names. Either them or their person of interest. It is mean and says more about you than it does about your target.

Hot tempers do seem to abound whether it is like my friend's ex or in the political arena. But this is one proverb that I seem to have already learned and imprinted.